Underneath It All
by mackenzie925
Summary: JA - Joan notices something different about Adam ... will she be able to figure out what it is? FINAL CHAPTER is UP!
1. Hide and Seek

TITLE: Underneath It All  
  
RATING: PG-13, to be safe.  
  
SPOILERS: Do the Math  
  
PAIRING: J/A  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters or Joan of Arcadia. Barbara Hall owns them.  
  
Author's Note: Hope you like it! This is the first lengthy story for Joan of Arcadia that I will be writing. It's a WIP. Reviews most definitely welcome!  
  
Chapter Title: Hide and Seek  
  
The credits of the movie were beginning to flow down the black screen. It was only then that Joan Girardi awoke from her deep slumber. The day had been exhausting to say the least. Now being Friday night, she found it prudent to finally relax from all of the deadlines, studying, and stress. That included, of course, lying on the couch, watching a movie, and doing so in the arms of her boyfriend. At this point she remembered that she was lying on her side on the couch with Adam lying behind her, his arm draped around her, and his face buried in her neck. She smirked a bit. He was fast asleep.  
  
This tended to happen often when they finally found time to be alone. Not that they didn't take advantage of most of that time, but recently sleep had become the top priority. However, Joan noticed recently that Adam was extremely tired. They all dealt with the rigorous schedule of studying and school, each having to deal with some exhaustion. However, Adam was worse than usual, and his lack of sleep began to worry Joan a bit. Joan sighed deeply as she allowed herself to enjoy Adam's presence, figuring that eventually Adam would disclose any problems he was having. Or so she assumed.  
  
Joan then shifted carefully to her back and Adam reflexively followed her movements. She was sure he would awake, but he only snuggled closer to her, laying his head on her chest. Her nose caught the scent of his shampoo, and she began to allow her hands to roam through his soft, thick hair. He was already beginning to release his tension, and she liked that she had that affect on him. Joan knew Adam was enduring something, dealing with some problem, and their schedules prevented them from discussing and sharing with each other. Real, true intimacy such as that still evaded them a bit.  
  
Despite the fact that Joan didn't really know what had been bothering Adam as of late, she had a strong inclination that she was being supportive. Adam had been the main instigator in scheduling their times together. Joan smiled inwardly as she looked down at him, seeing him peaceful. She kissed the top of this head and continued to run her hands through his hair.  
  
Friday nights tended to be their best nights together, and this night proved to be no different. Her parents were a bit more lenient on the weekends, allowing the two of them to stay out close to midnight, or stay in until 1 AM. Surprisingly, her parents trusted her with Adam, as well as they trusted Adam himself. In a general sense, of course, she mused. They still asked her regularly about her relationship with him, wanting to know as much as they could.  
  
Adam suddenly began to stir, and lifted himself up slightly to look down at her. "Hey," was all he whispered.  
  
Joan continued to lightly ruffle his hair, and she smiled up at him. "Hey." Adam found a little room to lay more between her and the back of the couch rather than on top of her. He reached out and grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers. "You missed the movie," Joan said quietly.  
  
Adam shrugged. "I think you missed a little bit of it too, yo."  
  
In response, Joan reached up and lightly kissed him. It started out sweet and simple, but soon escalated, turning passionate and deep. Joan was often surprised with the passion that they shared for one another, and it was only getting more intense as their relationship grew. Joan felt Adam's hands move to her waist, and up a little to her stomach. She began to laugh in response, and suddenly had to pull away. Adam was laughing lightly, knowing that she was ticklish there.  
  
Joan tried to pull away, but Adam shifted his weight to hold her down. "Adam! Stop!" she giggled, in which he only continued to hold her, but this time moving his lips to her neck. Joan also noted that Adam had suddenly become more playful recently. Not that she didn't enjoy his playfulness, but it set off an alarm in her head as to what might be going on.  
  
Hearing this very concern in her head, she used a little more strength and got herself out from under Adam to sit up, forcing Adam to sit up as well. Adam just smirked. "Jane?"  
  
Joan immediately reached her hands out to grab his, intertwining their fingers in an intimate way that was only experienced between the two of them. She did this to ensure him that she wasn't angry or upset. She did this to get him to share. "You know, Adam, you can tell me anything, right?" Her eyes formed a glaze of worry as she kept her gaze upon him.  
  
Adam nodded. "Unchallenged. It works both ways, yo."  
  
Joan smirked, and looked down for a second, gaining her thoughts. She needed to say this correctly, knowing that if she didn't it may create a misunderstanding that would take days to get straight. Sighing, she gazed back up at him. "It's just ... recently, I've noticed that you've been tired, stressed. I was just curious if there was something on your mind."  
  
Adam blinked, at first unsure of what to say. He glanced at their hands, fitting perfectly. After a minute, he finally replied, "I haven't been sleeping much lately. That's all really." Adam felt Joan tighten her hold on his hands.  
  
Joan nodded. "Why aren't you sleeping?"  
  
Adam suddenly became a little uncomfortable, standing up and breaking his contact with Joan. He walked over to the fireplace, sticking his hands in his pockets. Joan looked to him, his back turned to her. The shadow from the crackling fire danced across his face, making it difficult to read his features as he turned slightly to glance at her. He just shrugged slightly. "Normal stuff. School."  
  
Joan stood up and walked over to him. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you getting ... artist's block? Because I know your art helps you ..." but she barely finished before Adam interrupted her abruptly.  
  
"I haven't been creating my art lately. I haven't been in the mood." He looked to her, seeing her face becoming more sincere. "It's not a big deal. It happens."  
  
Joan's worry and stress was apparent in her voice as she replied, "There's nothing else?" She knew him not doing his art work was a sign of something more.  
  
Adam then looked to the clock on the wall, and began to move away from her. "Sorry, Jane, I forgot what time it was. I'll go home now so you won't get in trouble." He walked swiftly to the door, and Joan followed him.  
  
She grabbed his hand from behind as he opened the front door. He looked back to her, and she reached her other hand to caress his face. "Adam, ... what ... ?"  
  
Adam just kissed her lightly on the cheek, and replied, "I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, Jane." He then left, and closed the door behind him.  
  
Joan was now standing in the hallway alone. Walking to the door, she turned to lean back against it, slouching slowly to the ground. Looking up, she sighed deeply. Something was definitely going on ...  
  
Cue music "What if God was One of Us ..." ... (  
  
To be continued ...  
  
Reviews welcome!!! 


	2. Listening

TITLE: Underneath It All  
  
RATING: PG-13, to be safe.  
  
SPOILERS: Do the Math, and I think probably Anonymous, now that I think of it.  
  
PAIRING: J/A  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters or Joan of Arcadia. Barbara Hall owns them.  
  
Author's Note: Finally found time to update. A little longer this time. Enjoy! Reviews always welcome!  
  
Chapter 2: Listening  
  
Adam and Joan walked hand in hand towards the movie theatre. After enjoying a wonderful dinner together, they decided to catch a movie before going home. Joan looked to Adam, who seemed in higher spirits since the night before. However, that did not decrease her worry, though she vowed to assume her previous role of supporter and comforter. It was apparent that she needed to wait for him to open up to her, and become just a bit more comfortable sharing such secrets. Joan didn't like it, but she was unsure of what could be done.  
  
As they walked inside and approached the ticket office, Adam looked to Joan. "I'll get the tickets. You can get the popcorn."  
  
Joan smiled. "Ok." She walked quickly over to the concession stand, amazed at the size of the theatre complex. It was unbelievable that a building could hold up to 15 different theatres.  
  
Coming up to the stand, she saw a young 20 something woman attending it. Smiling, she replied, "I'm guessing you get the popcorn here."  
  
The woman smiled back. "Popcorn can liven up a movie."  
  
Joan replied, "Well, then, I'll take a large, and 2 cokes."  
  
The woman nodded, taking the popcorn bag and filling it to the brim with popcorn. She then looked up at Joan. "Butter on that, Joan?"  
  
Joan peered up into the eyes of the woman. "I didn't know you liked movies," Joan replied sarcastically, and then looked around her to make sure no one was close enough to listen in on their conversation. Luckily the lobby was big enough that one would have to be right next to them to hear anything.  
  
God smiled at her. "I like most everything, Joan. Did you say you wanted two cokes?"  
  
"Yeah ..." Joan replied simply, and then countered with frustration, "woah, wait a second ... you're not here to serve me, so ... ?"  
  
God shrugged. "I want you to listen."  
  
Joan's forehead burrowed in obvious confusion. "Listen? To what?"  
  
God put the cokes on the counter. "Everything. You owe me $7.50."  
  
Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a $10 and placed it on the counter, obviously very frustrated. "No more direction than that?"  
  
God rang up the cash register and then swiftly gave her change back. "You'll know what to listen to. By the way, I'm all about serving people. And you better hurry, you'll miss the previews." God smiled again and walked away, giving a wave as He left.  
  
Joan sighed, looking over to see Adam walking to her quickly. She smiled as he caught up to her, reaching out to grab her hand. Receiving a quick kiss from Adam, Joan could only speculate as to what God meant, and why Adam was suddenly upbeat compared to the night before.  
  
"Sorry, Jane, the one we wanted to go to was sold out. But I got tickets to another one," he said, holding them up to her.  
  
Joan smiled widely, taking them. "Sounds good." With that, they walked towards their respective movie theatre.  
  
......  
  
......  
  
.. .....  
  
Helen sighed deeply, glad that she had just finished the dishes after dinner. With all her kids out this evening, she was able to enjoy some quiet time with her husband. Looking to the living room, she saw Will already lounging on the couch, two glasses of wine sitting on the coffee table. It was rarely this quiet, and it seemed like one of their kids was always roaming the house every night. However, tonight she could finally enjoy a relaxing night with her husband.  
  
Walking out to him, she sat on the couch, leaning back against the soft cushions. Will smiled at her, gave her a quick kiss. "Quiet," was all he whispered, his voice giving away his enjoyment of such a concept.  
  
Helen smiled, reaching over to grab her glass of wine. "I can't believe all of the kids are out."  
  
Will shrugged. "I guess they're all finally growing up, getting their own lives." He paused for a bit, and then looked back at Helen with obvious questions in his eyes. "Where did they all go tonight?"  
  
Helen laughed, highly amused. "Don't even know where your own kids are?" Will just shrugged sheepishly, taking a sip of his wine. "Kevin is on a date. Joan is out with Adam – no surprise there – and Luke went to a movie with Glynis."  
  
Will suddenly looked to Helen, obviously confused. "Glynis?" Helen only nodded. "His girlfriend," Will confirmed for himself. Helen nodded again, giving him a little annoyed expression. "I think I forgot her name. I knew about Joan. I'm guessing Kevin's is new."  
  
Sighing, his wife replied, "Luke's being going out with Glynis for months. You're lucky, Kevin's is new, and Joan and Adam have been obvious."  
  
Will leaned back with a heavy weight. "Kevin always used to tell me about his girlfriends, he wanted to know about that stuff. Luke has never come to me about that at all. Does Joan talk to you?"  
  
Helen smirked, "I come right out and ask her, and ... she tells me enough. Trust me. It's all you can expect, really. Luke mentions Glynis in passing, and I see them at school."  
  
The front door suddenly opened, and Luke came walking in, dripping wet. Helen immediately turned, Will following suit. "You're home early," Helen replied, giving a glance to the clock. "And you're wet."  
  
Luke just shrugged. "Rain. It's no big deal. Glynis and I just decided it was best to engage in the true quieting of the mind because of the rigorous schedules we have had to endure."  
  
Will nodded, "Going to bed?"  
  
"Yeah," Luke replied, beginning to head upstairs.  
  
However, Will stood up, replying, "Did your night go well?"  
  
Luke nodded, "Fine."  
  
"Because you're in before your curfew ... I mean, that's fine, but ... I'm just surprised," Will countered, obviously fumbling his words.  
  
Luke kind of smirked, but before he could answer, Joan came storming in the front door, also wet. Everyone looked to her, watching as she brushed the water from her pants and coat angrily, frustrated that she was still wet no matter how hard she tried to scrap it off. "Sometimes rain is just annoying," she said with a huff.  
  
"So why are you home early and upset?" Helen asked urgently.  
  
Luke smiled, and replied subtly, "Well, I'm off to bed." He began to head upstairs, as Will moved past the couch, closer to the hallway.  
  
"If there's a problem, we can talk ..." Will called after Luke, but Luke didn't reappear. Instead he only called back an 'I'm fine', and then his door shutting could be heard. The two parents then looked to their daughter.  
  
Joan smiled nervously, "What?"  
  
Her mother replied, "Well, whenever you're out with Adam you don't come home until the very last second has hit."  
  
"We were both tired," Joan said, a little uncertainty lacing her voice, though trying to make it an obvious reason.  
  
Will placed his hands in his pockets, looking to his young daughter. "Your night went ok?"  
  
Joan just shrugged, obviously a bit annoyed at their insistence. "It was great. See you in the morning." Joan knew she had to leave soon before her annoyance and frustration from the night spilled into this conversation. The last thing she needed was to be in trouble for talking back.  
  
As Joan proceeded up the stairs, Helen moved to the bottom of them, watching her daughter. "Is there something we should know?"  
  
Joan called back, "Nope." And soon her door was closed.  
  
Helen and Will looked to each other, a little taken a back by the events that had just conspired. Before they could say anything else, the door opened again revealing Kevin. He rolled in quietly, closed the door behind him, and turned to see both his mother and father staring back. He smiled. "Am I in trouble?" His parents just sighed, obviously realizing that their quiet night was over.  
  
..... ......  
  
......  
  
.....  
  
Monday mornings at school were always tough days to handle. Joan knew this quite well, especially considering the weekend she just had. Her time with Adam had been wonderful, as usual, but she couldn't let go of Friday night. What had been bothering him? Was everything okay now? Why didn't he just come to her and talk? What made the weekend worse was her new assignment. God tended to give them to her at the worse times, mainly when she didn't have the time to really fulfill them. However, her assignments always found a way to get done. This time it would be a bit more difficult with her mind so concentrated on Adam.  
  
As she walked very slowly, her mind in ten different places, she caught something further down the hall. Grace and Adam were talking quietly next to the lockers. However, that didn't surprise her as much as the intensity and sadness on Adam's face as he spoke to Grace. Suddenly what God said to her flashed across her mind, and she hid behind a set of lockers against the wall some good distance away. She could hear only a little bit, straining desperately to make sense of what she was seeing and barely hearing. The look of concern on Grace's face told her that indeed Adam did have quite a problem.  
  
It was almost too much for Joan, watching Adam discuss his personal problems with Grace. Of course she didn't mind them being friends. They had been friends long before she and Adam had met. However, what angered her most was Adam's willingness to tell Grace his problems and not herself, his girlfriend of all people. Joan could hardly decipher the feelings raging inside of her. It was a complete split between frustration, anger, and overwhelming concern for one of the most important people in her life. How could she just sit back and say nothing?  
  
Just as she began to work up the courage to walk over, a voice whispered behind her, "What are you looking at?" Joan nearly jumped out of her hiding spot, glancing around quickly to see Luke obviously amused.  
  
Joan hit him across the shoulder, "Don't sneak up on me like that when I'm trying to listen!"  
  
Luke's face turned to confusion. "Listening? To what?" he asked with a whisper, more in mocking than sincerity.  
  
Joan gave him a very annoyed, sisterly look. "I'm trying to listen to Grace and Adam."  
  
Her brother's face only showed more confusion as he asked, "Why don't you just walk over to them?"  
  
Joan huffed, "Because I have to listen. What did you want, anyway? You're distracting me."  
  
Luke took a few looks around and then back to his sister. "Could we ... talk?"  
  
Joan's attention on Grace and Adam was suddenly compromised. Her eyes glanced to Luke, while still trying to keep a vigil on her boyfriend. "About what?" she asked, her curiosity very apparent.  
  
Luke sighed openly. "How is your relationship with Adam?"  
  
Joan shrugged. "Fine, though at the moment I have to wonder." Luke gave her a questionable look. "Never mind. It's fine, why?" Luke became hesitant, unsure of what to say. Joan sighed, "What? Just say it."  
  
He then replied, "I've been feeling a little bit ... overwhelmed by Glynis." There was no question the sadness he felt at what he just said, but also desperation, not knowing how to solve it. Joan didn't know how to respond. It often seemed as if her brother's relationship with Glynis was fine. He rarely ever talked about it, even though Joan felt like she knew much more than she wanted to. Not only was the problem surprising her, but also the idea that her brother was talking to her about it.  
  
"How can I help with that?" Joan asked, though it seemed inconsiderate, but sounded sincere.  
  
Luke wasn't sure how to answer at first, but said quickly, "Well, you're ... a woman ... in a relationship right now ... I thought you might be able to tell me why Glynis is acting this way."  
  
Joan smirked with amusement and replied, "I don't know. Maybe you're not giving her enough attention or something." As she said this, she returned her vigil on Grace and Adam, but the view had changed. Adam was gone. Joan sighed, "Great."  
  
Luke glanced over in that direction, seeing what Joan saw, and returned his gaze to Joan. He had nothing to say, and could not over much comfort. He rarely ever understood the relationship between Adam and Joan. It often seemed like they were in their own little world. "Sorry."  
  
Joan was intent on hiding her frustrations. "No, it's ok." She then moved away from Luke towards Grace. Grace looked up from her locker, seeing Joan walking towards her. She hurriedly gathered her books into her bag and met Joan halfway. Joan smiled, trying to hide her annoyance. "What's up?"  
  
Grace thought for a second, and then said, "Class. What else? We're going to be late."  
  
Joan nodded, "Yeah, huh ...." She hesitated for a second, not sure if she should ask. However, the torture of not knowing was overwhelming, and her need to know overshadowed God's assignment. "What were you and Adam talking about?" They began to walk towards class, Luke following behind.  
  
Grace shrugged. "Just stuff. Don't worry, Girardi, Adam will always be yours, I'm not trying to take him away from you."  
  
Joan replied quickly, "No, no ... I'm not thinking that."  
  
Grace continued complain, "Sick, by the way ... he's like my brother. Why would you think that?" Joan couldn't believe where this conversation had gone, and was even more surprised at Grace for changing the subject so quickly. She paused a second, wondering if she should continue, but Grace spoke first. "What?" They had stopped walking, and were not face to face. Joan felt her heart racing, not wanting to say something bad, but also feeling like she had a right to know what was going on.  
  
Joan replied sheepishly, "It was just ... strange."  
  
Grace answered simply, "Ok."  
  
Joan didn't want to let this go, but didn't know what else to say without actually saying it. And she missed Adam. In fact, Adam not being here was strange. They also meet each other during these two periods. "Where did Adam go to so quickly? He usually waits for me."  
  
Grace began to walk again, not making eye contact. "He had class. Don't let this get to your head, we were just talking." With that, she walked a little faster just as Joan fell back a little.  
  
Joan was crestfallen as she stopped in the middle of the hall. Luke stopped with her, looking at her with concern. "What?"  
  
Joan didn't even look at Luke, still gazing at Grace as she disappeared into the classroom. "What do you do when one of your best friends lies to you?" Her eyes couldn't hide the hurt and pain of what had just happened. It was like she lost control of everything, and she didn't even know how it happened. Days ago her relationship with Adam was great, but now suddenly there were skeletons in the closet, shadowy corners that she struggled to shed light on. Why did she feel like she was being pushed aside?  
  
"Why do you say that?" Luke asked, braking Joan from her thoughts.  
  
Joan replied sadly, "Adam has a free period now." With that, she walked towards her next class.  
  
Cue ... Music ending scene ... Commercial break ... (  
  
To be continued ...  
  
Reviews Welcome!!!! 


	3. The Comfort Of Truth

TITLE: Underneath It All  
  
RATING: PG-13, to be safe.  
  
SPOILERS: Do the Math, and I think probably Anonymous, now that I think of it.  
  
PAIRING: J/A  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters or Joan of Arcadia. Barbara Hall owns them.  
  
Author's Note: Wow, this section is quite long. Enjoy it! I probably won't update until at least the weekend, if not later. I didn't intend of updating for awhile, but I couldn't help it, I had to keep writing. Thank you to everyone for their wonderful reviews. I enjoy every one of them. They do tend to make me write a bit faster ... lol.  
  
Chapter 3: The Comfort of Truth  
  
Joan and Grace walked out of the school at the end of the day. Grace hadn't said anything more to Joan about what she saw, and didn't seem to think it was anymore important than what she indicated. There seemed to be no answers to Grace lying to her, Adam giving her the cold shoulder, and the hurt that both her best friends had caused. It was only one incident, and given the track record of their friendships, it was only right to believe there was an explanation for everything that had gone on. Still, Joan was unsure of her role knowing what she knew now. Staying behind the scenes has always been difficult for her, especially with God wanting her to continually be upstage. That characteristic has always been apart of her life, and thinking of Adam going through some difficult times without her made her sick to her stomach. She had never felt so helpless.  
  
Grace suddenly said something, causing Joan to swim out of her endless worries. Joan gave Grace a questionable look. "What?"  
  
Her friend replied with annoyance, "I said I have to go straight home. I have to rehearse for my bar mitzvah."  
  
Joan nodded. "Oh, ok"  
  
Grace flipped her bag over her shoulder, and glanced to Joan. She smirked a little, replying, "We still on for studying tonight at the new coffee place?"  
  
Joan looked to her quickly. "Yeah, of course."  
  
Grace nodded in response, keeping the vigil of normalcy. Joan wasn't sure if that should be comforting, or if Grace's apparent apathy towards her lie should remind Joan to stay angry. Before Joan could work up the courage to say something, Grace was gone. Joan was alone once again.  
  
As Joan began to walk home, all she could think of was the past few days. She tried not to let herself get too caught up into this, knowing that she wasn't supposed to know anything. In truth, she didn't know anything. All she knew of were the sad, intense faces that she had seen on Adam and Grace, and the fact that Adam hadn't spoken to her since the day before. Joan laughed at herself, hearing these situations run through her head. It was no wonder she felt there was more to what was actually going on. Everything seemed completely messed up.  
  
Just as these thoughts were drowning themselves in her pool of concerns, a voice called, "Listening isn't easy, is it, Joan?" Joan stopped immediately, and looked around to see that she had led herself to the playground. Where the playground was, usually God was there as well. Joan was reassured of this as she saw a young girl in her normal pink outfit, staring at her from behind the fence separating the playground from the street. Joan just sighed as she walked a little closer.  
  
"Not when I know I can do more," Joan replied as she decided to just sit on the grass in front of God, legs crossed.  
  
God only replied, "The hardest task for many is to just listen. However, one can learn more when they accomplish this. What have you learned?"  
  
Joan shrugged with failure. "Only that Adam has a problem and he won't tell me what it is."  
  
God's expression remained. "Did you hear this? Or just assumed?"  
  
Joan's eyes suddenly showed a bit of realization. "Assumed."  
  
God nodded. "Assumptions are dangerous and are rarely true. They cause problems because conclusions are often based upon them. Listening requires the ability to decipher between assumptions and what is truth. This is difficult, especially when a certain conclusion seems the obvious answer to a problem, even though how one gets to that conclusion has no merit."  
  
Joan smirked. "You're like one big fortune cookie."  
  
God just shrugged and continued, "Who have you listened to?"  
  
Joan thought for a second, trying to remember her conversations during the past two days. Her mind whirled, and she began listing, "I don't know, Adam. Grace. Luke ..." Joan stopped suddenly, remembering Luke wanting to talk with her. She looked to God with sadness shadowing her features. Always the assignment referred to something that she didn't think of at first, and this mission was no different. "Luke," she uttered again, and God only nodded.  
  
"It comes back to priorities, Joan. When vision is overcome by one or two people, the others who obviously need help and are asking for it are lost. Sometimes the only way to solve your own problems is to solve the problems of others," God said matter-of-factly.  
  
Joan didn't know if she should ask, but she also felt she deserved an answer. "What about Adam then?"  
  
God began to back away. "Keep listening to the truth and everything else will fall into place," God replied, and Joan suddenly felt a small comfort wash over her heart and soul, despite God's normal vagueness. God then walked away, giving His signature wave. Joan watched Him leave, knowing that her assignment was much more important than she had originally thought. There was confidence now that everything was going to work out for the best.  
  
.........  
  
........  
  
Luke had returned home from school a little earlier than he expected. In fact, he had left after Joan, and he was home before she was. However, Luke didn't think too much of this considering that Joan was most likely with Adam, Grace, or both. His mind was primarily on Glynis and their latest argument. It had become a little more difficult dealing with this relationship, and he was beginning to wonder if it was worth it. Glynis tended to be highly sensitive, and whenever they argued she would become very upset. On top of that, Luke found himself the one apologizing even when he wasn't entirely positive that it was his fault.  
  
As he walked through the hall on the second floor of their home, he heard Kevin active in his room. Luke glanced at his watch, noting it was already 5:30 PM. He had been studying for some time. Glancing at Kevin's room, Luke felt a need to talk. Kevin tended to help him, especially with stuff like this. He had already tried Joan, but she seemed too preoccupied with other things.  
  
Walking up to Kevin's door, he knocked. He heard a 'yeah' on the other side, and Luke opened the door to peer in. "Hey," Luke said, seeing Kevin working on one of his articles. "I didn't mean to bother you."  
  
Kevin shrugged, "No problem. I need a break anyway. What's up?"  
  
Luke walked completely inside now, his nervousness apparent. "I wanted to talk to you about something."  
  
Kevin started to feel a bit apprehensive himself seeing Luke's mood. "Ok."  
  
Luke nodded, thinking of his choice of words carefully before starting this conversation. "I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by Glynis."  
  
Kevin felt his apprehension fade quickly, glad that the conversation was taking a route he could handle. "Oh, ok. Well, um ... why are you feeling overwhelmed?"  
  
Luke shrugged. "I don't know. She calls me a lot, is outside of my locker constantly, she argues with me when I don't call her. I keep telling her I have a lot of work to do ..." but before he could continue, Kevin jumped in.  
  
"It sounds like you're overwhelmed. Do you like the relationship?" Kevin asked. Luke hesitated, and then replied quickly, "Yeah, sure. I mean, I've had a lot of fun. And I do like her."  
  
Kevin smiled. "Good. That's important."  
  
"I just don't know what to do."  
  
Kevin looked to his brother with sincerity as he replied, "You may not like her enough to want to deal with the relationship."  
  
"So what do I do?"  
  
"You talk to her," a voice replied from behind Luke. Luke turned quickly to see Joan staring at them, her arms crossed. Luke didn't know what to say, seeing her sister's face full of concern. He didn't even realize she had been in the room.  
  
He di "Hey," Luke said quietly.  
  
Joan smiled warmly at her brother, walking into the room a little further. "It took me 4 months to get used to the idea of a relationship, despite how much I loved Adam. I just wasn't ready. I felt overwhelmed by Adam at first, and now ... I can't be with him enough. If you're feeling overwhelmed, you should talk to her. She may not realize she's acting this way, and maybe your reservations are trying to tell you something more about how you really feel about the relationship. They were for me."  
  
Luke smiled back at Joan, his voice indicating his appreciation as he answered, "Yeah, maybe."  
  
Kevin laughed lightly, looking to Luke. "I totally agree with her, by the way."  
  
Luke glanced back at Kevin, laughing. Joan soon joined in, unable to control her laughter as she watched her two brothers. Luke's confidence had catapulted, mainly because of Joan's honesty. She was right. He had to face his true feelings, whether he wanted to or not. It was important to both Glynis and himself that he did this.  
  
...............  
  
................  
  
Standing outside of Kevin's door stood Will, hearing the laughter coming from the room. He felt a bit helpless, knowing that he wasn't a source of advice for Luke. He seemed to be talking it out with Kevin and Joan, which was good. Will felt his heart ache a little, though, realizing then that Luke would rather go to his brother and sister than himself. In fact, he practically denied that he had a problem when Will asked him, yet he acted so open with Joan and Kevin. Will sighed, finding it difficult to accept that his own son couldn't come and talk to him.  
  
Will decided to push it aside and attend to the task he was assigned. "Dinner is ready," he called, and soon was down the stairs quickly.  
  
................  
  
...............  
  
Helen was placing the many dishes for dinner on the dining room table, smiling to herself as she saw her entire family together. Dinner time was a favorite for her for this very reason. Kevin assumed his place, and Joan was helping her mother place the food on the table. Helen had noticed a sudden change in Will's mood, and though she could assume why, she decided it was prudent to keep her mouth shut. They would have a chance to discuss it later.  
  
As they all sat down to eat, and as the plates of food were being passed, Will asked, "How was everyone's day?" Silence was his answer as everyone just concentrated on eating. They usually had decent conversations at the dinner table, but it was apparent that tonight no one wanted to share their rough days. Will shrugged. "Don't everyone answer me at once."  
  
Helen finally spoke up, "My day was good. My classes went well." She then looked to Joan. "Adam seemed a bit quiet today."  
  
Joan replied simply, "Really?" She was intent on hiding her day's events, and her mother was certainly not going to be able to extract her recent problems. Maybe she was acting just like Adam by hiding her problems from someone she should be able to talk to, but Joan really didn't care that much. At the moment she did not want to rehash the problem over and over again. As God has suggested, she would keep her mind on Luke's problem for awhile.  
  
Helen could tell there was more to Adam's mood and her daughter's, but she knew better than to cross the line too soon. Joan would talk over time. Helen smiled to herself, feeling the tension at the table between everyone. If they could get through this dinner to live another day, Helen would be happy. Looking to Will, seeing him quiet, and then to her children, she noted that emotions were running high. Knowing her family, they tended to unleash those emotions if they saw fit. They wouldn't be able to hold them in for too long.  
  
"How was your day, Luke?" Will asked.  
  
Luke looked up from his plate. "Fine."  
  
Will nodded. "That's all?"  
  
Luke shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."  
  
"After last night, I thought maybe today would have been just as bad," Will reasoned.  
  
Luke's discomfort was now obvious, but he only answered, "Last night  
was fine." Joan could tell the conversation might turn ugly knowing Luke's wish to keep his problems with Glynis between Kevin and herself. He was always very guarded with such emotions, and he rarely ever talked about them to anybody. Knowing this, Joan felt a need to change the subject.  
  
"Daddy, my day was good. It was better than I thought it would be," Joan offered, but she immediately realized it wouldn't have any effect.  
  
Will nodded, "That's good, Joan. I'm glad your day went well." He then looked to Luke again. "Did you day go just as well, Luke?"  
  
Will didn't know the frustration rising in his son's soul. Luke had only experienced this anger a few times in his life, and when it came, it often revealed emotions that he had been hiding for years. Only Kevin had seen it once when Luke declared his darkest secret. Luke hated getting this way, but he also hated that his father was trying to ask him about a subject that he had no right to ask about.  
  
"I didn't think you cared," Luke uttered, only realizing the impact of what he said after he had said it. He looked to Joan, whose eyes were blank with shock, as was Kevin, who remained concentrated on his food, trying desperately to forget what he was hearing. The conversation had suddenly become one that the rest of the family didn't need to be apart of, yet they were.  
  
"What did you say?" Will asked, quite hurt from his son's apparent belief. He had no idea that Luke had even thought something like that. How could he know? Luke was always so quiet and kept so many things to himself.  
  
Luke just laughed to himself. "You've never wanted to know before. You were always concerned about Kevin's relationships, his sports, the accident. Or the fact that Joan's your precious little girl, who has suddenly turned crazy. The youngest is bound to be forgotten in everything else that needs your attention."  
  
Will's eyes showed his hurt, disgust, and anger that his son would even think something like this. He loved Luke, he wanted to know everything that he was going through and dealing with. He couldn't believe that Luke didn't realize this, despite the amount of struggles that Kevin and Joan had been in recently. He suddenly realized that the table had become silent, everyone looking to him for a response.  
  
He sighed deeply, feeling the room closing in on him. "Luke, I love all three of you equally, and I want to know what's going on in your lives. That's why I'm asking, I'm concerned." As Will thought about his words, he felt he had been level-headed, knowing he couldn't let his emotions get the best of him.  
  
Luke just shook his head. "Or you're feeling guilty because you haven't showed interest before."  
  
Will replied quickly with great emotion, "Luke!"  
  
Luke stood up then, grabbing the attention of everyone at the table, all who were trying to pretend they were somewhere else. Now they couldn't ignore it, and Joan knew a barrier had broken within Luke. He was unleashing years of frustration, years of hurt. Throwing his fork to his plate, Luke shouted back, "No, Dad, you're going to listen. You wanted to hear it, right? Isn't that what you wanted?"  
  
"Yes, I ...," Will began to respond, but Luke quickly jumped in.  
  
"It's always been about Kevin. He was a successful athlete, so I barely existed. When he had his accident, I was ignored completely. Joan started doing crazy things, and suddenly all the attention was on her. I enter a relationship, and I'm still ignored, and you only noticed it because Joan and Kevin haven't had any issues lately, and your job hasn't been as demanding. You haven't cared before, why should I believe it now?" Luke said, practically shouting by the end of his declaration of hurt and betrayal.  
  
Joan felt the intensity of the scene, looking to her father and then back to her brother. She could scarcely believe what she was hearing, and was shocked at the revelation of such hurt feelings. Her heart ached deeply for Luke, her little brother. All she wanted to do was hug him, make him feel better. There were no words for such emotions and for such a scene. However, she also wanted to comfort her father, as well. Not only for all the times that he has comforted her, but because she wanted to remind him that no matter what, she has always loved him and will always love him.  
  
Luke turned to Joan, seeing her face full of sorrow and concern. He could tell Joan wanted to say something, wanted to bring rationale back into their world, but her silence revealed nothing could be said. He just sighed deeply, stepping away from the table. Will remained silent because he knew saying something now would make things worse. Everyone watched as Luke left, and Joan couldn't stop her heart from racing. It was too much for all of them, too much revealed in merely sitting down for dinner. No one knew what to do with it all.  
  
Joan felt God's words enter her consciousness. Listening was essential to find truth. Suddenly Joan felt it all fitting together, despite the mess between her brother and her father. Not only was her father hearing the truth from just listening, but Joan felt the weight of such a truth, felt the door opening to allow her to help because of listening. Luke's problems were much more serious than hers with Adam at the moment, which was why God had stressed that she should help him. Joan intended on doing just that.  
  
.............  
  
.............  
  
The night seemed as if it would never end. Studying tended to take a lot out of Joan, and tonight was no different. Just coming back from the coffee house with Grace, she was exhausted. It was only around 10:00 PM, but it felt like 1:00 AM after the day she had. Not only did her problems with Adam become much worse, but now tension was running in high volume throughout her family. The fact was no one in their family knew Luke had such strong feelings of neglect towards their father. The situation had suddenly become much more complicated, and Luke's problems with Glynis became the tip of the iceberg. As did her own problems with Adam.  
  
As she parked in the driveway and stepped out of the car, the burden of the day began to lessen. Knowing that sleep awaited her gave her happiness, and not much was going to keep her away from it. Walking the length of the driveway to the sidewalk thinking about the many dreams she has had recently, most specifically concerning a special person who chose to leave her out of his life the past few days, her eyes caught something interesting in her kitchen window. Her heart almost began to sink as she noted the image.  
  
"Adam," she whispered, seeing him sitting at the kitchen table talking to her mother. Again she noticed his face full of hurt and worry, and she was feeling it again – the ache in her heart. She knew she had to remember that there was no way for her to know what they were talking about, and she could not make assumptions. However, this was the second time she saw her boyfriend talking out his problem with someone other than her.  
  
Instead of wallowing as she did the first time, she knew it was better to just walk in her house as normal. She had to remember that she wasn't supposed to know anything, and she needed to allow Adam come to her in his time. Assumptions were very dangerous, recalling the words that God had used. She could not let them overcome her emotions or thoughts. Waiting for the truth was essential to prevent more misunderstanding and hurt. It took her little brother years to finally find the courage to say something, but that was because he didn't feel their father was being attentive. Joan sighed, realizing she needed to be attentive to Adam, despite his vague emotions. She also couldn't push him, as Joan saw from her Dad and her little brother.  
  
Joan opened the door to her house carefully, walking as quietly as possible. Looking around the corner, she saw what she had seen in the window: Adam and her mother sitting at the kitchen table. Adam stood up immediately, his eyes showing happiness to see her. Her mother stood, as well, and glanced to her daughter. "How did the studying go, Joan?" Helen asked. However, she did not get an answer as Joan and Adam kept their eyes on each other.  
  
After a few seconds, Joan responded quietly, "Good." Her eyes only glimpsed a look at her mother and returned back to Adam. Helen smiled, feeling that any possible tension between the two was going to get resolved in the next few minutes.  
  
Helen moved between them and up the stairs. "See you in the morning."  
  
Adam walked to the bottom of the stairs and said quickly, "Thank you, Mrs. Girardi."  
  
Joan's mother turned and nodded. "Your welcome, Adam." She then proceeded up the stairs.  
  
Adam turned back to Joan and he couldn't stop from smiling. "Sorry I didn't meet you today. I had some errands and stuff to run."  
  
Joan nodded, already feeling the weight of her anger and frustration begin to pass. Just seeing her Adam made her heart fill with joy. It was all she needed. "That's ok. Not that I haven't had the same problems, right?" She had missed Adam, even though it had only been a few days since she had been with him. Every part of her being missed him.  
  
Adam must have felt the same way, because it didn't take him long to reach his hand out to her. Joan smiled at him, clasping his hand with hers. He pulled her to him playfully, wrapping his arms around her waist as she wrapped hers around his neck and they shared a warm embrace. Joan could feel all of her worries and problems from the past few days, from Grace to her little brother, melting away like they never existed.  
  
Joan pulled away just a little to look at him. He smiled warmly, and went to kiss her, but she stopped him with her hand to his cheek. "First I want to know what you're doing here," she whispered, saying it lightly to hide her intentions.  
  
He shrugged. "I wanted to know if you wanted to do something tomorrow night."  
  
Joan felt the obvious question come to her lips, "Why didn't you just call?"  
  
Adam only smiled and leaned in to kiss her. It was soft and sweet all at the same time, and she knew it had been way too long since they had done this. It was only a day or so, but it seemed like a lifetime. When Adam pulled away, Joan cupped his face in her hands as she leaned her forehead against his. "I'll see you tomorrow then?" Adam nodded, wrapping his arms tighter around her, embracing her. Joan could feel the tension in his shoulders and back as she wrapped her arms around him fully. It was the same tension he had nights before.  
  
Joan finally felt a sense of why he had come. Even though he hadn't said anything to her about his problem, he needed her to help him release his tension. He needed her comfort, and her giving it to him without any questions asked. Her giving it to him with everything she had. That's why he had come over. He needed her. Joan felt this inside of her soul and she hugged him with not only her arms but also with her heart.  
  
Cue Music ... End of Scene ... Commercial Break! (  
  
To be continued ...  
  
Reviews always welcome!!! They make me write faster ... 


	4. Carrying The Burden

TITLE: Underneath It All  
  
RATING: PG-13, to be safe.  
  
SPOILERS: Do the Math, and I think probably Anonymous, now that I think of it.  
  
PAIRING: J/A  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters or Joan of Arcadia. Barbara Hall owns them.  
  
Author's Note: I think this chapter is my favorite. It came easily and I wrote it quickly. This is the fourth part of a five part story. So my next section will be the last for this story. Thanks to everyone for their reviews! Enjoy!!!  
  
Chapter 4: Carrying The Burden  
  
Chemistry never ceased to bring her mood down. Joan found herself glancing at the clock countless times during the period, and prayed that she wouldn't be called on. That was the only way to survive the class, Joan mused. Grace and Adam made the time go that much faster by just being there. However, today only Grace was there with her. Joan looked to Grace to see her smudging marks a little on the lab desk, obviously quite bored. Adam usually drew during class, as well, Joan thought, even though he wasn't here today. Joan only found her mind traveling to the night before remembering Adam's apparent need for her, despite his inability to share. Actually, it was all her mind thought of at the moment.  
  
Grace suddenly leaned over to her. "Where's Rove?" she whispered.  
  
Joan just shrugged, not making eye contact. "Why should I know?"  
  
Grace's face showed her interest in such a comment, strange to be coming from Joan of all people. "I just thought you would know ... because, I don't know," she began sarcastically, "... you're his girlfriend."  
  
Joan then turned to look at Grace. "He hasn't actually been forthcoming to me recently, and our schedules have been all messed up."  
  
Grace smirked, "I don't know about the talking thing, but the schedules haven't stopped you before. You two always find time to show PDA's, always around each other. It's disgusting, by the way. But not having it happen suddenly has raised my curiosity."  
  
"If anyone should know where he is, maybe it's you. You are his best friend," Joan countered.  
  
"Know where who is?" Adam asked as he sneaked into the class behind Joan, assuming his seat next to her. Joan looked over to him, her mood changing automatically. She could now see the worry on his face, the worry that didn't go away. It was still tracing his features, and she desperately wanted to make him feel better. Perhaps that night would be his time to tell her.  
  
Grace jumped in, breaking Joan's thoughts, "Joan was wondering where her make-out buddy was."  
  
Joan shot Grace an angry look, whispering harshly, "I was not!" Joan turned back to Adam, and insisted, "I didn't say that."  
  
Adam nodded, smiling a little. "Well, I'm here now, yo."  
  
Joan squeezed his hand, and would've kissed him there, but decided it was best not to. They were in class, after all. However, she did lean a little closer to him and asked, "Where were you?"  
  
Adam shrugged, and was about to answer, but suddenly realized they were being watched. Mrs. Lischak was now standing in front of their lab desk, hands on her hips. "Care to share, Miss Girardi?"  
  
Joan smiled sheepishly, looking around the room seeing everyone staring at her. Her brother shot her a very amused look, waiting just as patiently for an answer as everyone else was in the room. Grace just looked away, trying to pretend she wasn't at the same desk as the two lovebirds. Joan thought for a second, and then replied, "Not really."  
  
"Your boyfriend doesn't want to share either?" Miss Lischak asked, looking to Adam. He shook his head no, not really wanting to say anything at the moment. Miss Lischak just nodded in response, replying, "Good, I'm sure it was inappropriate for this class. It's for outside the classroom. Now keep your eyes off each other just long enough too pay attention." She then proceeded up to the front of the room, leaving a giggling Joan and Adam behind, despite their attempts to hide their laughter.  
  
Joan then felt Adam grabbing her left hand with his right underneath the table, and Joan noted how perfect they fit together as they rested on her knee. She glanced to Adam casually, and he glanced to her with the same casualness, though underneath both was desire. Joan saw there in his face the worry, the one that didn't go away, the one she so desperately wanted to push away. The truth would come.  
  
...........  
  
.................  
  
Joan, Grace, and Adam all stood at their lockers, watching as the crowds went by as the end of school neared. Grace began filling her bag with the necessary books for that night, and glanced over at Joan and Adam, realizing they had been standing close and holding each other's hands since AP Chem. She smiled to herself, knowing that whatever tension there had been was finally gone. Though Grace wouldn't admit that she liked the PDA's, she felt the world has finally gotten itself straightened out for the moment because everything was getting back to normal. Or so it seemed.  
  
Adam and Joan were talking quietly, as Grace finally turned to them completely. However, she found herself glancing over to a very interesting scene. Luke and Glynis were much farther down the hall, and they did not look happy. Grace pulled on Joan's arm, causing her to turn to her with curiosity. "What?" Joan asked, getting the attention of Adam, as well, who was peering around Joan.  
  
Grace gestured over to Luke and Glynis. Joan followed her gaze, sighing. "Oh no," was all she uttered. They were in a quiet, yet seemingly heated discussion. Joan could only watch helplessly as her brother seemed to have finally found his words, and chose to possibly do something that Joan knew was coming. Luke was breaking up with Glynis.  
  
Joan and Grace were watching intently, but Adam began to move away from them. Only Joan noticed it when she suddenly felt a tug on the day long hold that she had on Adam's hand. She glanced to him, seeing him wanting to retreat. "I gotta get going, Jane. I'll pick you up at 6ish?"  
  
Joan nodded. "Yeah, sounds good." Adam reached over and kissed her lightly, and then was gone. Grace turned to see Joan one person short.  
  
"Where is he off to?" Grace asked.  
  
Joan shrugged. "Like I ever know." When Joan looked over to Luke and Glynis, they were gone. "What did I miss?"  
  
Grace replied, "A few more heated words, I think. Then they left."  
  
"I have to stay here and wait for him. So I'll see you later," Joan said, and Grace nodded, walking off.  
  
Joan strode down the hall towards the room her brother would be in for a quick meeting of the math minds, or Joan liked to call it, the geek domain. She smirked to herself as she arrived at the closed room and sat down on the ground. Seeing the room closed, she couldn't help but wonder what they could possibly be doing under such conditions.  
  
Before she could think more on this subject, a voice asked, "Have you found the truth?" Joan looked up to see Cute Boy God staring down at her.  
  
Joan replied, a little annoyance in her voice, "If you mean did I find out that my brother and father have a horrible relationship, then yes, I did."  
  
God sat down next to her, His eyes never leaving Joan's face. "Relationships are never perfect. They need fine-tuning every now and then. It may seem to be doing fine to the two participants, but if the fine-tuning isn't done regularly, it can really build up, as was the case with your brother and your father."  
  
Joan's eyes continued to show sorrow, "Even if it hurts?"  
  
God only replied, "Especially if it hurts."  
  
"I only wish I could help Adam," Joan replied with great hurt and regret.  
  
God asked, "Who says you haven't?"  
  
Joan turned her face to God, who was staring at her seriously. Joan argued, "Well, he still hasn't told me anything, and he seems to be looking for help in Grace, my Mom ...", but God promptly interrupted.  
  
"Joan, you're relationship with Adam has changed. It's deeper now. It's more intimate now. And that intimacy can be scary. Adam senses the change, but do you?" God asked, suddenly changing the tables.  
  
Joan smirked, not even sure how to answer. "Well, we've already gone from friendship to relationship, that's already happened."  
  
"It's becoming deeper, Joan, whether you want it to or not. Embrace it together." God then stood up, smiled down at her, and walked away, leaving her sitting on the floor in the vacant school hallway.  
  
Joan had never thought about her relationship with Adam in this type of way. It almost made sense, thinking that perhaps the change from friendship to relationship for both of them was still a bit difficult. Joan wasn't the friend that Adam could just come to talk things out. She was now the girlfriend that was beginning to know Adam at a deeper level than a friend. A different level. She had to admit that the thought of it made her also a little scared.  
  
"Hey," Luke said, sitting down next to her on the floor. He looked to see her staring off into space for just a second more before turning to him.  
  
Joan sighed, "So, did you get all mathed up?"  
  
"If that is a word." Luke noticed Joan's different mood. "Bad day?"  
  
Joan looked to him with a little smile. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"  
  
"What do you mean?" Luke asked, trying to pretend he had no idea what she was talking about.  
  
Joan mused, "Well, a little birdie told me you talked to Glynis."  
  
Luke became a little quiet for minute, having no intention of discussing this. However, he had to have known better. For some reason Joan seemed to find out everything that was going on. It didn't take her long to hear what was happening, and it amazed him that this time it had barely been an hour of time since he had talked with Glynis. "You're good," Luke muttered, catching Joan's attention.  
  
"Say that again?" Joan asked knowingly.  
  
Luke shrugged. "I talked to her, and let's just say, I feel better."  
  
Joan pushed further, "And?"  
  
Luke laughed a little, "And ... I don't know. She won't be calling me any longer?"  
  
Joan smirked. "So you actually did it? You know, I didn't mean for you to break up with her."  
  
Luke nodded, replying, "I know. But I had to." He then glanced at his sister, who was smiling widely at him.  
  
"You wouldn't get far without me, would you, dork?" Joan asked, though lightly said, but lacing with sincerity. Luke couldn't hide his admiration for his sister, and how much she had done for him. If anything, his sister had always been there for him, and she enjoyed helping him. At least that was his conclusion, based on the fact that he felt that his sister had been heavily involved in his life during the past year.  
  
Luke returned the light-heartedness, "I guess not." He then suddenly remembered her heavy concern for Adam, and noting that Adam was nowhere to be seen. Whenever Joan gave him a ride home, Adam usually joined them. Luke envied Joan's relationship with Adam, because she was right when they couldn't get enough of each other. They were rarely out of each other's sight. "Where's Adam?"  
  
Joan then looked away. "I don't know." Luke could sense her sadness, and it was obvious that even though they had gotten back on track, Joan and Adam were still having a few problems.  
  
"Why are relationships so difficult?" Luke asked heavily.  
  
Joan thought for a minute, and finally answered, "Because we're scared to fine-tune them." She then leaned her head against the wall, feeling the weight of her words. Tonight she would be fine-tuning.  
  
.................  
  
................  
  
Helen was finally home early for once, having no staff meetings to attend. This allowed her to make a good dinner at a good time. However, she already knew Joan wouldn't be joining them because she would be going out with Adam tonight. To be honest, she enjoyed making dinner for her family, knowing that it was usually a time when they all could sit down together at least once during all of their busy schedules.  
  
As she began cutting up the vegetables, she felt strong arms encircle and a kiss on her cheek. "You're home early."  
  
Will smiled behind her. "Not a busy day for criminals, I guess." He then stepped away, looking around at the various foods. "What's for dinner?"  
  
Helen quietly laughed. "Well, because you kissed me first before asking, I guess I can tell you. We're having chicken."  
  
Will nodded, and walked into the dining room, seeing only 4 places set. "Who won't be here?"  
  
Helen called from the kitchen, "Joan. She's going out on a date with Adam." Helen immediately could tell that Will was happy to know that Luke would be at dinner, and not the one missing. They had only briefly talked about the night before, and Will wasn't too keen on talking about it. However, Helen knew that Will truly wanted to have a good talk with his son. And they both deserved it. "You have to talk to him, Will."  
  
Will turned to look at his wife. "Who?"  
  
Helen just shook her head in disgust. "You know who. Do it so we can get the tension out of this house."  
  
Will just smirked. "Luke said he didn't want to talk."  
  
Helen shrugged. "That was last night. Today is different, I think he needs a good talk from his father."  
  
"What makes you think that?" Will asked as he began to spread the napkins out on the plates.  
  
Helen finished her task, and immediately came out to the dining room. Will turned to her, seeing her concern. "Luke broke up with Glynis today." Will nodded, looking back to the napkins. Sighing, Helen moved closer to him, placing a hand on his arm. "He needs his father. Talk to him. Just suck it up and talk to him. Change his beliefs. Make him truly believe that you love him with everything you've got." Will smiled at his wife, knowing that he had to do it for not just her, but most importantly for himself and Luke.  
  
Just then Joan and Luke came walking down the stairs. Joan was dressed nice, but casual. Luke walked over to the table, looking at his parents. Before he could say anything, Joan walked around, grabbing her many accessories, making sure she had everything. "Mom, where's my watch? I couldn't find it upstairs."  
  
Helen sighed, replying, "Maybe the same place you always leave it. On the coffee table in the living room." Joan hurried in the living room, grabbing it, and came walking back, seeing Kevin now joining the group.  
  
She grabbed her coat, giving Kevin a nice pat on the shoulder, replying, "See you guys later." Joan was suddenly gone and the other four looked at each other.  
  
Helen filled the silence quickly, "Let's eat. I marinated the chicken tonight, it's a bit different."  
  
Kevin smiled, replying, "Sounds great, Mom." And soon Will and Luke and sat down, as well.  
  
.................  
  
.................  
  
Joan certainly hadn't imagined this. Well, maybe in her endless dreams that she had about Adam. However, it was better than she thought it would be. Once Adam had picked her up, they drove to the park, and we're now sitting on a blanket as the sun was setting over the forest beyond. They had just eaten, enjoying a wonderful, light dinner, and we're now lying down on the blanket in each other's arms. Joan liked feeling this way, liked feeling safe, secure, loved.  
  
Adam had one arm behind his head, and the other around Joan as she snuggled closer to him. She had her head on his shoulder, enveloping herself in his wonderful scent. Adam felt her tighten her hold around his waist, and he smiled, looking up at the sun finally beginning to set. The night couldn't be better. "I love the sunset, yo."  
  
Joan gave him a small kiss on the cheek, and then returned her head to his shoulder. "Thank you for this."  
  
"No problem, Jane. I know you've been going through some stuff these past few days," Adam replied simply.  
  
Joan felt her whole being stop suddenly at hearing this. In fact, it caused her to prop herself up on her elbow to look down at him with question in her eyes. She had no idea that Adam knew of the problems straining her family at the moment, and she knew she didn't tell him. Joan had been so busy that she barely had time to deal with it herself let alone tell someone. "How did you ...?"  
  
Adam answered quickly, "I could just tell, yo." Joan felt her soul grow, felt her whole being become amazed at this person. Amazed at their relationship. Amazed that God had brought this person into her life. Now it was suddenly time to fine-tune, walk through the scariness of intimacy together.  
  
Joan turned on her side a little further to face him better, and Adam followed, turning on his side and propping himself on an elbow to face her. He grabbed her hands, tracing his fingers along hers. "My brother and dad had this huge fight," she replied, showing a little irony in her voice. Fights happened a lot in her house.  
  
Adam pushed a little further, "What was it about?"  
  
Joan sighed, looking up into his face. "My brother thinks my dad doesn't pay attention to him. I guess I never really noticed, you know? Of course, I am the only girl, so I guess that kind of separates me a little."  
  
Adam nodded, "Maybe."  
  
Joan continued, a strain of worry weighing heavy on her words, "You know, it's just ... my dad and I have always been able to talk. I can't imagine not being able to talk to my dad. I guess no one in my family saw this. And we should have."  
  
Adam tightened his hold on her hands. "Sometimes you can't tell what someone is thinking. Sometimes you're so concerned about something, that you forget those most close to you." His eyes looked up into hers, and she felt something break, a barrier that had been a brick wall was now blown over by a simple breath of the wind. Something was happening, and Joan couldn't explain it.  
  
Joan decided to continue the conversation, hoping everything will just develop. She had no idea what was to be said. "Do you and your dad talk a lot?"  
  
Adam nodded, looked down a little bit, continuing to play with Joan's hands. He shrugged sheepishly, and finally replied, as if straining to say it, "My mom and I were close." He paused a second, looking up at Joan, who waited, her eyes showing that she didn't want to be any other place in the world except right here, listening to him. Being with him. "My dad helped a lot afterwards, after my mom ..." he paused slightly, looking for courage inside him continue, "and I guess then we started to talk a lot."  
  
Joan smiled to herself, feeling as if just this small conversation allowed her to see a part of Adam that she had never seen before. At this moment she was finally given the key, the key to his soul. "Do you still talk ok with him?" Joan asked, feeling her stomach flutter with excitement as she pondered the idea of being able to look into Adam's soul in a way she hadn't before.  
  
A face of worry met hers again. The same one that she felt she had been trying to help him get rid of for days. "Jane, I've been hiding something from you the past few days. Maybe because I was scared, or ... not wanting to burden you again."  
  
Joan felt his worry now, felt it weighing on her heart. She reached a hand to his face, tracing his features, wanting to erase his burden with her special touch. Adam's tension was beginning to fade again, and Joan never tired of being able to do this for him. His eyes met hers again, she whispered then, "Adam, whatever worries you have, I have. No matter what. If you're sick, I'm sick. If you're sad, I'm sad. If you're burdened, I'm burdened. And I wouldn't want it any other way." She could see the emotion rising in him, and she moved her hand to his hair, and placed her cheek to his.  
  
After a few moments, Adam whispered back, "I need to take you somewhere."  
  
End Scene ... Cue Music ... Commercial ....  
  
To Be Continued ...  
  
Read and Review!! - Last section coming soon! 


	5. Meant To Be

TITLE: Underneath It All  
  
RATING: PG-13, to be safe.  
  
SPOILERS: Do the Math, and I think probably Anonymous, now that I think of it.  
  
PAIRING: J/A  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters or Joan of Arcadia. Barbara Hall owns them.  
  
Author's Note: This is the last chapter to this story. Let me know what you have thought of the story over all. The reviews have been very helpful, and I thank you for them. This story has been very enjoyable to write, and I plan on writing many more Joan Of Arcadia fan fiction. Some have wanted a sequel to this story, let me know if you feel the same way! I might be convinced to continue further. Thanks so much to everyone! Enjoy!  
  
.  
  
Chapter 5: Meant To Be  
  
.  
  
"Oh , Adam," Joan breathed heavily, noticeably unsure of what to say or do. Recently it seemed as if there were no words for anything that was happening in her life or those that she cared about. This was no different. When Adam told her he wanted to take her somewhere, she didn't expect this. She didn't expect to be standing in a dark hospital room save for the dim light coming from a small lamp. She didn't expect to be holding onto Adam's hand as tightly as she could, not only for his comfort, but also for her fear, as well. She didn't expect to see Adam's father, Carl Rove, lying in a hospital bed. And she didn't expect to hear the word cancer.  
  
Looking to Adam, she saw his gaze never leaving his father. A shadow of light danced across his face, the same shadow from the night she had first asked him about his problem. Joan knew she had to ask him a difficult question, knew that she had been asking herself the same question for the past week. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she asked softly.  
  
Adam didn't feel hurt by the question. He knew he had acted suspicious, but he did have his reasons. "I'm sorry, Jane. I didn't want to drag you into this again." Joan watched as Adam moved to a chair by the bed, sitting heavily with great exhaustion. She moved behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders.  
  
Joan only whispered from behind, with great emotion and forgiveness, "Talk to me now."  
  
Adam hesitated, not sure how far he wanted to go. This was a reason for his delay in telling Joan, unsure of what to say. There was more to say than just 'my dad's sick', Adam thought. He looked down at his hands, beginning to feel his courage leave his body. Knowing he had to say something soon, he began again, "My dad and I decided to keep it to ourselves. Thought it was best."  
  
Joan pressed a little, "Why?"  
  
Adam looked to his father sleeping soundly under the drug the nurses had given him. So he wouldn't hear any of this. "It took a lot for us to get over my mother. My dad kept his sadness to himself. I talked to Grace a little, but ..." he paused there, leaning back fully in the chair. He finally glanced up at the darkness of the room, feeling his watery eyes. "You're the only one that knows so much about my mother, what I went through. How much I miss her."  
  
Joan bent down to wrap her arms around him from behind, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Good ripples," she whispered.  
  
Adam allowed his head to lie back against Joan, as he answered, "It took me so long to get over my mother, yo. I made my pieces for her. My dad's pride in them helped me show them to people. His faith in me. How can I deal with both of them gone, Jane?" It was only then that Joan saw the tears, tracing his cheeks, leaving behind in their wake his years of sadness and loss.  
  
Joan moved around to sit on the armchair, and he immediately allowed her to wrap an arm around him, allowed her to place his head against her heart, allowed her to lay her head against his that was buried in her endless strength. He then wrapped her arms around her waist, and suddenly he felt he could do the impossible. He felt he could face this challenge. He felt he could.  
  
Joan laced her fingers in his hair, kissing the top of his head, and resting her cheek on it again. She hugged him until he stopped crying. She hugged him until she gave him the strength he needed. She hugged him with her endless love for him. They weren't going to let go from this day forward.  
  
..............  
  
.................  
  
Will couldn't sleep. He found himself downstairs, grabbing the milk, and warming it up in the microwave. It had worked before and he only hoped it would work now. With the stress of work, and of course the stress of his family, specifically Luke, his mind was whirling. Looking for solitude in milk seemed to be the last resort. As he thought about his problems with Luke, the door suddenly opened. Will turned to see Joan walking in, her mood quite apparent. She had been crying.  
  
"You're home a little late," Will observed.  
  
Joan just shrugged, tossing her bag to the floor, then her coat. She walked over to the island in the kitchen, pushing herself up to sit on it. Will saw her heavy concerns, her mind full of endless problems. He only smiled, observing how similar he and his daughter actually were. They certainly dealt with their problems in the same way, both many times hiding their pain, and when they finally did show it, it was overwhelming. Joan finally spoke, "It's been a rough night." She then looked to him, seeing his concern.  
  
He walked over to her. "Care to talk about it?"  
  
Joan smirked a little, "Not much to say. Adam's father has cancer."  
  
Will suddenly felt his heart sink, feeling there was only one question to ask. "What kind of cancer?"  
  
Joan looked down to her hands. "Colon cancer." Will moved to her, placing his arms around her, hugging her. She laid her head on his shoulder. "Daddy, I'm scared."  
  
Will nodded, hugging her more. "I know, honey. They have had success with this type of cancer. It doesn't mean he'll die."  
  
Joan then released, looking to him. "Adam's so hurt. I don't even know what to do for him."  
  
Will took her hands in his. "All you can do is be there for him. Make him feel better about the situation. Be strong."  
  
Joan's face showed her disbelief of such a concept, crestfallen in its definition. "I don't know if I can do it, Daddy. I don't know ..." she stopped, and found herself crying again and Will only hugged her.  
  
"You can. You have a strong heart, Joan. You always have," Will replied, trying to comfort her, but she continued to cry. Will knew this had already taken a lot out of her, and the days to come would do so, as well. All he could was be her strength, and hope that would be enough.  
  
...............  
  
..................  
  
Joan found herself standing against the lockers, waiting for Grace to get ready for class. Sleep had helped her a little, and she felt slightly better than the night before. It had all just been so sudden, and feeling the hurt that Adam displayed was almost too much for her. She knew she had to be strong for him, and knew it was important for her to be someone he could lean on. Now knowing his secret, she realized how important she was to him, and how important their relationship was.  
  
"Girardi?" Grace asked, seeing that Joan was in a far away land. Grace smirked, and this time shouted, "Girardi!" Joan suddenly popped her head to her, confusion lacing her features.  
  
"What?" Joan asked innocently.  
  
Grace only nodded slightly. "Hang in there." Joan smiled, feeling a little more strength enter her soul. "Remember, I was there when his mother died. It was tough. He still didn't tell me much, but it was enough. This time, he told me some, but ... I have a feeling that the planets are finally aligned correctly." Joan couldn't help but smile at that analogy, feeling that the fact that Adam had told Grace was only a small incident in the vast array of history. Grace continued, "He didn't tell me much. Like I said, I'm not taking him away from you." As she said this, Adam stepped up to them. He immediately grabbed Joan's hand.  
  
"Hey," Adam said, his mood showing true happiness in comparison to the past few days.  
  
Joan smiled at him, stating the obvious. "You look happy."  
  
Adam nodded, reaching over to her, whispering something in her ear. Joan smiled widely, and then giggled. Grace rolled her eyes, and began to leave. "Ok, one can only handle so much of this. I'll see you guys later."  
  
Adam only responded as she left, "See ya, Grace." He then turned to Joan, waiting for an answer to the question he had whispered in her ear. "Jane?"  
  
Joan nodded, "Yeah, I'll meet you."  
  
Adam smiled, "Great. See you after school, yo." He then quickly left. Joan was obviously as bit confused, but not much more could surprise her now.  
  
..............  
  
..............  
  
Joan began walking towards the playground, the place where Adam had wanted to meet her. She stopped at the fence, leaning against it, watching kids play basketball, seeing many others swinging. Feeling her childlike inclination kicking in, she walked around the fence to the swings, and sat down on one. Joan had a weak spot for swings, and loved just allowing herself to hang like this. It made her feel free as she pushed herself a little with her feet.  
  
"You've always loved swings," a small voice said next to her, and she looked to see little girl God staring at her, also swinging. He smiled widely. "In fact, it made you happy to swing."  
  
Joan nodded, looking to the grass. "How can this happen to Adam again? Why? Why are you allowing this to happen?"  
  
God jumped off His swing and walked over to her. "You know that I cannot give out miracles, Joan. And when bad things happen, they just happen. I don't cause them. They have many reasons for happening, from people's decisions to mere chance of genes, but I am not in that equation. The biggest challenge is what you do with the difficult events that happen in your life."  
  
Joan sighed deeply. "I can't imagine losing both of my parents."  
  
God spoke up quickly, "Who says Adam will lose his father?"  
  
Joan looked up quickly, replying with passion, "Well, he has cancer, and ... he's very ill. And with his mother ...". However, Joan stopped, realizing what she was doing, what she was thinking. "I'm making assumptions." She looked away from God, feeling her heart beating quickly with the massiveness of her latest task. Yet she still didn't learn, she still didn't see. "I should've reassured Adam last night, told it was going to be ok," Joan said, feeling tears grabbing at her eyes.  
  
God stepped closer, placing a hand on her shoulder. "It's takes people a few times to understand, Joan. Remember that I'm all about second chances. Have faith in me." God then walked away. As He did, Adam suddenly appeared in Joan's sight across the playground. He smiled openly, and walked quickly over to her.  
  
"Jane," he called, meeting up with her and sitting on a swing next to her. Joan smiled, not understanding his happiness.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
Adam replied, "Cha, my dad's coming home in a few days. Isn't that great? They said he's recovering much better since yesterday." Joan smiled openly, reaching over to grab his hand. Adam continued, "I wanted to thank you, Jane, for being with me last night. Helping me."  
  
Joan shook her head with disgust. "I could've done better."  
  
Adam insisted, "Jane, suddenly my dad is doing better, and it's been ever since I've told, yo."  
  
Joan smiled, shrugging. "Maybe he was doing better all along." Joan suddenly felt the events of the past few days finally begin to make sense. Joan had been overly worried about Adam because of his attitude, and let her emotions, concerning his need to tell Grace and her mother, overcome her role. It was a role that needed to be defined by Adam, which was promptly defined very quickly, despite her emotions making it feel like it had taken forever.  
  
God was, of course, correct, Joan thought to herself. Assumptions are dangerous. They make people believe certain things when there's no reason to, just as Joan had done. Not only did she let them overtake her friendships and the situations the past few days, but she also let it overcome her role as Adam's friend, above all else. She did have a tendency to make conclusions quickly, but who didn't? Joan laughed at herself, sensing then the importance of listening. Suddenly everything made sense.  
  
Joan looked to Adam, who squeezed her hand, smiling widely at her. He then stood up, walked behind her, and pushed her on the swing. Joan laughed openly as she felt the freedom once again.  
  
...................  
  
......................  
  
Spend all your time waiting  
  
for that second chance  
  
for a break that would make it okay  
  
.  
  
Now a week later, a Friday, Joan felt her relationship was finally where it needed to be right now. Everything had gone quite smoothly, and even though it seemed like, once again, God had no idea what He was doing, he always did. Joan realized that every time she did an assignment, and realized that having faith in his advice was her only way to sanity. It was where her thoughts were right now as she watched Adam walk into her living room, popcorn in a bowl.  
  
.  
  
there's always one reason  
  
to feel not good enough  
  
and it's hard at the end of the day  
  
.  
  
Adam looked to her with a small smile, and Joan felt her life was complete when she saw it.  
  
.  
  
I need some distraction  
  
oh beautiful release  
  
.  
  
Joan clasped Adam's hand, seeing his anxiety lessen every minute he was there with her. Of course, there was good news to celebrate concerning his father, and it was wonderful that his recovery had begun.  
  
.  
  
memory seeps from my veins  
  
let me be empty  
  
and weightless and maybe  
  
I'll find some peace tonight  
  
.  
  
However, the worry only lessened, yet did not leave. Joan knew now what they're relationship was.  
  
.  
  
in the arms of an angel  
  
fly away from here  
  
..........................  
  
That same night, Will knew it was time to talk to his son. He had been putting it off for the past few days. It was up to him to make the first step, but he couldn't do it alone. It was true that he had a tendency to ask Kevin and Joan more about their lives than he did Luke, but that didn't mean he loved him any less. It was an aspect of their relationship that needed to be fixed. Will decided that tonight would be the night to change that, to make their relationship better.  
  
.  
  
from this dark cold hotel room  
  
and the endlessness that you fear  
  
.  
  
He walked the quiet hall on the second floor of his house, heading towards Luke's room. His light was on, and it was apparent that he was still up, working on some science project, as he always did. Will sighed heavily, and then knocked on the door.  
  
.  
  
let me be empty  
  
and weightless and maybe  
  
I'll find some peace tonight  
  
.  
  
He heard a faint 'come in', opened the door, and saw Luke fixing one of the many lights he used for his experiments. Luke looked up to see Will staring at him, smiling. He smiled back at his father, and Will soon entered completely, shutting the door behind him.  
  
.  
  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
  
of your silent reverie  
  
.  
  
..................................  
  
Joan had gotten up during the movie quickly to get something to drink. Adam had been much better that night, and she knew he would be okay for the days to come. Of course, she would always worry for him. She cared for him too much not to. Joan liked caring for Adam, liked knowing everything she could about him. It was a relationship she intended on hanging on to, one that she didn't see ending. Joan was only happy that she could help him as she did, even if it didn't seem so.  
  
.  
  
you're in the arms of the angel  
  
may you find some comfort there  
  
.  
  
Walking out of the kitchen into the living room, she saw the movie had progressed about 10 minutes. Joan smirked, realizing she had been gone longer than she had intended. She also didn't realize that it had started to rain, which was hard to hear over the movie.  
  
.  
  
so tired of the straight line  
  
and everywhere you turn  
  
there's vultures and thieves at your back  
  
.  
  
Reaching the end of the couch and setting the drinks on the coffee table, she was about to sit down, but saw that Adam had stretched out completely, on his back, and was now fast asleep. Joan smirked, laughing slightly to herself. Adam was cute when he was sleeping.  
  
.  
  
and the storm keeps on twisting  
  
you keep on building the lie  
  
that you make up for all that you lack  
  
.  
  
Joan walked to the other end of the couch, turned the movie off, climbed behind Adam on the couch, and stretched out next to him. He still didn't move. Adam slept very deeply, Joan observed, remembering the last time they had ended up like this. She propped her head up slightly, just enough to look down at him.  
  
.  
  
it don't make no difference  
  
escaping one last time  
  
it's easier to believe  
  
.  
  
Joan placed a hand on his cheek, sensing the quietness now compared to the last few days. The calm. Her fingers tousled his hair lightly, and she gently traced her hands through it.  
  
.  
  
in this sweet madness oh  
  
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees  
  
.  
  
If it was possible, Adam was even calmer, having slipped into that deep slumber just a little further. It was then that she began to hear the rain pattering on the windows lightly, as well as the roof.  
  
.  
  
in the arms of an angel  
  
fly away from here  
  
from this dark cold hotel room  
  
and the endlessness that you fear  
  
.  
  
Joan then positioned herself to lay her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arm around his stomach. She never tired of making him feel this way, Joan thought, knowing she had thought this a dozen times. Being more convinced of her importance to him now, Joan felt a new sense of commitment to their relationship. Felt that Adam was hers, and she was Adams. They belonged. They matched well. Knowing this assured her that they would always take care of each other.  
  
.  
  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
  
of your silent reverie  
  
.  
  
It was what Joan intended on doing right now as she snuggled closer to him, carrying him in her comforting embrace.  
  
.  
  
you're in the arms of the angel  
  
may you find some comfort there  
  
All they needed was each other.  
  
.  
  
you're in the arms of the angel  
  
may you find some comfort here  
  
.  
  
It was then Joan felt Adam's arms wrapping around her, and she knew all was revealed. Only the rain complimented her endless thoughts, continuously pattering lightly all around them, and soon she was fast asleep.  
  
.  
  
*See them on couch, goes to black  
  
*End scene with last bit of the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan  
  
*Credits  
  
Author's Note: I also do not own the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan, of course. Reviews Welcome! 


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